Look past the brokeness and see the Children!

3 years ago is when my Husband and I decided to adopt through the foster care system. We had choices, domestic adoption, international adoption or foster care adoption, but foster care adoption had always stuck out to us because of the # of kids in the system needing homes right in our own county. These are the kids that you walk past on the sidewalk or the ones making silly faces at you while you're driving. I got into a bad habit while I would go out shopping, I would see a child and think "you could be my child". In California, there are over 58,000 kids in the foster care system. What a heart wrenching statistic.

During the time that we were really nailing down where we were going to start the adoption process  we met with a mutual friend who did a domestic adoption. We wanted to hear about our options with the different types of adoption. She gave us a good view on what a domestic adoption looks like. We mentioned how we were thinking to start the foster care process and she went straight to the typical negatives of foster care "They get too personal"..."They control your life and your parenting" "They tell you how to run your home". She mentioned that one of her friends tried doing adoption through foster care but didn't complete the process because they didn't like how they "controlled" their family. Jaron and I walked out of that meeting very discouraged with our decision to go with foster care adoption. I wasn't sure if we were doing the right thing to go through with it. I didn't want someone else controlling the way I did things. I just wanted a child! Jaron and I prayed.....a lot. We wanted to make sure that this strong pull toward foster care was the right thing to do. We wanted to be sure that we were doing what God desired for us. We went forward with the foster care system. Let me tell you....that was the best darn decision we could have made!

Let me take you through these "negatives" about the Foster care adoption process.

• They get too personal- This makes me laugh! Of course they are going to get too personal! They are trying to know your family inside and out. Know your interest. How you fight as a couple. What your daily routine is. Your work schedule. How much you make. What's your relatives like.  Oh, the list goes on and on!! It is very overwhelming but you have to remember, they are trying to find that perfect child for you and your family. They match you and your family to a child and the only way they can do that is for them to know you like the back of their hand.
• They control your life and your parenting-  Yes they do! so what? Until that judge signs those adoption papers you have a child in your home that belongs to the state. There are rules and regulations that you have to follow. Don't get me wrong....its difficult and frustrating and sometimes you'll want to pull your hair out but only last a few months.
• They tell you how to run your home- Goodness......how dare they!? They give me this list about how chemicals cant be under the sink, and that these kids deserve their own bed! little sarcasm there:) The rules that they have are to keep the children safe, healthy and to make sure they are comfortable. Most of the kids in the system come from homes that cant give them what they need, just imagine a kid walking into a room and having their own bed! Their own dresser! Their own personal space! Their own toys! Its priceless! :)

Our social worker visits once a month and they are delightful visits whether we hear good news or bad. We have a relationship with a few of the social workers in the system and we keep in contact with them through our process even if they aren't on our case.

There are terrible stories about the foster care system out there. Foster care homes that abuse these precious children and social workers that abuse the system and judges that send kids back home where its not safe for them. The system is broken but so are the children that are in the system because they are missing the feeling of having a Mom and a Dad that love them. Look past the negatives of the broken system and focus on that child that needs a safe and loving home. My husband and I have had a successful story through the foster care adoption system. We have a beautiful 3 year old son. I can't imagine my life without him.

Just think, if I listened to the voice of someone with wrong information about the foster care system instead of listening to the voice of God leading me to my son, where would he be?

 

 

Adopting through the foster care system is challenging, painful, frustrating, terrifying, exciting, nail biting, and worth every tear of joy and sadness. Just look at that handsome boy, he was worth all of that!

Blessings,
Danae